Enjoy the Cleansing Process of Reclaiming Your Space

  If you have a garden shed full of your ex-partner's tools and DIY equipment and they have no interest in removing them, it's worth exploring the less painful routes to ridding yourself of them and ceasing those constant, niggling reminders. Whatever you do, don't throw the items out with the rubbish! A little bit of internet research will uncover several charities who would benefit enormously from your generosity and would be delighted to take them off of your hands.  A great many of them Read more [...]

Silver Separation is on the Rise

    Splitting up in later years, or silver separation as it is more commonly known, seems to be a trend on the rise. Perhaps there’s a wave of modern, more self-assured and assertive souls who have realized their life does not have to roll to the bitter end, suffering in a bitter marriage. People who were super-busy ex-execs are often plunged into great periods with nothing to do, but collect their pension and spend it with their spouses. The trouble is, many realize they barely Read more [...]

Do We Embrace the Throw Away Attitude in Our Marriages?

            In the wake of a very high profile celebrity divorce case here in the UK, this morning I was asked to speak on a handful of mid-morning BBC radio stations on their case and the general topic of divorce and domestic abuse. I was asked several times whether people threw the towel in on their marriages quicker than had happened in the past. Prior to my research on the subject, I would have said that as a society (Western world anyway) we have embraced Read more [...]

Divorce Coping Tip of the Day – You Must Not Lay Blame for Their Actions on Your Shoulders

  We must take responsibility for our own actions and accept that we are not responsible for the behavior of others. Your ex walks their own path, just as you walk yours. You must not lay blame for their actions on your shoulders, even if you did leave them and, even if you didn't! Cut yourself some slack and understand this can be incredibly hard to do, particularly when they are behaving in a vile or out of character manner. We all have the power to curb negative responses to the actions Read more [...]

Finances and Divorce

    Every bureaucratic element of divorce has it’s sticky points, but I think working out a fair division of your joint finances is probably the worst, unless you have children that is, then it’s a whole new ball of wax. If you are in the midst of a relatively amicable separation / divorce and are planning to negotiate the financial agreement nicely, that’s amazing and all well and good. You won’t incur huge court costs or legal bills for solicitors who will be more than happy Read more [...]

Idiotic Words

    It’s bad enough when you have to endure the inane misery an ex’s idiotic words, be they written or spoken, but these can be made even more painful when other people roll around in them. When friends dissect their statements and make fun of them or pull them apart, it can invite you to revisit old hurt and you may find a fresh wave of tears burning a hot route down your cheek, as your buddies attempt to try and make you feel better. It is pain, however you cut it, and actually Read more [...]

Create a Nice Ritual

  Create a nice ritual to tag onto the end of a necessary visit to your solicitor or any other authorities - mediators or counselors etc - relating to your divorce. Make up a tasty flask of something that comforts you, a velvety milk-based hot chocolate or a vibrantly stiff black coffee perhaps and pack a fueling snack or a naughty treat that you can look forward to consuming once the official dialogue is all over. As soon as you exit their offices, find a pleasant place to settle down Read more [...]

Splitting Matrimonial Assets is One Thing, Splitting the Business is Another

      If you ran a business with your ex, splitting the house and matrimonial assets is one thing, splitting the business is quite another. Even the most straightforward of businesses will be complicated enough to divide and it may be prudent to speak to an accountant in the very early stages to assess where you are and how they best recommend the hammer to fall. Once this has been established, the solicitors will have to draw up agreements to reflect your decisions but of course, Read more [...]

Set Aside Your Immediate Stresses

If you are in the thick of it all right now with no immediate end in sight, forget solutions, try temporarily uplifting alternatives instead.   Set Aside Your Immediate Stresses for a bit. Plan a rib-tickling night out with friends to watch a comedic play or a toe-tapping musical at a local theatre. If you’re feeling like travelling up to The Big Smoke, catch some professional stand-up at a Comedy Store or something similar. Setting aside your immediate stresses, even if only for a little Read more [...]

Be the Bigger Person in the Room

      Immediately after the Big Red Button has been pushed (by you or them) try hard not to engage in any unnecessary emotionally loaded banter with newly titled ex, if your goal is to discuss important details. Be the Bigger Person in the Room. To be honest, it’s likely to be so highly charged, you are unlikely to get a great deal sensibly debated or organized. It’s unfortunate when intricate, relationship-laced conversations descend into a verbal brawl, as they are generally Read more [...]