Be Grateful Your Audience is Smaller

    If you think you are having a rough time of it with your divorce, be glad you’re not a celebrity. Their high profile ding dongs play out in front of audiences of millions of adoring fans and invariably, the media will favor one side of the partnership. The ‘bad guy’ will be hung, drawn and quartered in front of their friends, family and those who appreciate their acting/music/writing etc. You can almost guarantee that whatever spin is being put on their story, it’s a world away Read more [...]

Dig Back Into Your Past and Remember

  When we advance in our years and suddenly feel the pressures of life, the universe and everything bearing down upon our shoulders, it’s easy to forget the people we used to be. This is particularly true as you recover from being scalded by the embers of a marriage that was going nowhere. The fact is, if you are able to reconnect with the soul you once were, you might also be able to tap into a pocket of the energy that used to drive and thrill you. Dig back in your dim and distant past Read more [...]

Recount Out Loud the Highlights of Your Relationship

  I was tapped on the shoulder by a wonderful old friend today who I’ve not seen in two years and we stood in the middle of Waitrose clucking like a pair of ducks catching up with each other’s news in digest.   I relayed my divorce news in bite-sized chunks and found myself bullet pointing that old relationship. It was enlightening - for me - and I want to direct this Tip of the Day to anyone on the lead up to leaving, or anyone who has been treated badly and is now in the devastatingly Read more [...]

Sending a Card (or Not) on Behalf of Your Children

    Last week, I talked about mentally preparing yourself for Father’s Day. Well, here it is, are you ready? Are you ready for the guilty/inadequate feelings you may endure for sending a card on behalf of your children/not sending a card on behalf of your children/not receiving a card and questioning your very existence/encouraging them to send one and failing/coping with a difficult conversation with children regarding sending one to a step-parent/getting a card and questioning Read more [...]

Problems Appearing Bigger Than They Actually Are

    If you have a growing mass of problems to solve and they’re stressing you out, sit down with a piece of paper, a pen, a phone and a cup of tea. Problems are like shadows, often appearing bigger than they actually are when they’re rolling around in your head. Start by writing down what you consider are the biggest issues you need to deal with right now and draw an encompassing circle around them. Move on through the other problems and do the same, listing them all as they fall Read more [...]

Helping the Children Get Back to School

          If you have children, you’re no doubt up to your ears in the summer holidays, or as I occasionally call it, the childcare marathon! If you and your ex split over the summer and are in the early days of sorting out new living accommodation, you will do well to drop the head of year and form tutor for your child a note to explain what’s occurred before they head back to school in September. It’s very likely they will be picking up email through the holiday Read more [...]

Try to be Guided by Them

As kind and thoughtful as you hope to be towards your children during a divorce, it is next to impossible not to cause them to feel a slice of angst, guilt or straightforward pain. Their anguish doesn’t disappear as soon as the divorce is over either, there is an adjustment period to get through and that can be as long as the proverbial length of string. If you try to justify your actions towards your ex to them, it can have a completely negative effect. Their age and maturity has nothing to Read more [...]

Divorce Coping Tip of the Day – Light Some Candles

The early evening can be one of the most troublesome periods of the day. The circumstances are perfect for letting a ripe imagination run away with itself, but you’d do better devoting energy to recharging your batteries at the end of a volatile day. Lighting a few tea light candles can mark the passage into the evening with a bit more serenity and calm. They are often used in churches and people are encouraged to light them for loved ones who have passed away or are ill. If you’re in a good Read more [...]

Overwhelming Feelings of Sadness and Failure

  If you are wallowing in overwhelming feelings of sadness and failure in respect of your divorce, it will undoubtedly have affected your entire disposition. Let me take the liberty of reminding you that you are not a failure at all, these things happen, divorce is a pathway walked by close to 50% of the American and UK married population; they aren’t failures either, they are just regular Joe's and Josephine's like you and I. It might not feel like it right now, but you are so much more Read more [...]

Divorce Coping Tip of the Day – It May be Time to Have a Little Chat with Your Health Care Provider

    If you were a long time married and you’ve got the childbearing bit out of the way, you may have had more than a pregnant pause since you last contemplated contraception. It’s not just getting pregnant that you need to worry about. These days, a little dose is something other than a measurement of cold syrup and it’s quite a lot harder to get rid of. I realise you may not even be out there on the dating scene yet, but it won’t hurt to be proactive on the protective front. Make Read more [...]