Divorce Coping Tip of the Day – Don’t Regret Anything

    History is what it is and it’s necessary to have a few chunks of it float under the bridge before you can begin to write the future. Regret is futile and will only leave you with a burgeoning pile of what ifs that you can never address. However, you can use bad events from the past to shape the way you deal with your future. By turning negativity onto its head and producing something positive, it gives your darkness a purpose. An example of this might be in training to be a counselor, Read more [...]

Assess the Responses

        I mentioned recently that the first meeting with your solicitor should be free if you've window shopped around and done your homework. Bear in mind, you also have an opportunity to lay out some of the details during the preliminary telephone call you have with them, as you assess the responses of the person you may decide to represent you in your divorce. Listen to their responses and trust your gut instinct; if they are overtly aggressive and appear rottweilerish Read more [...]

Divert Your Energies

    It’s a foregone conclusion when you think about it; a person you’ve spent a great deal of married years with, is likely to be able to retain the ability to press your buttons years after your divorce. They know precisely where your Achilles heel is, they know what provokes you and they know how to stir up a storm that enrages you into action. It’s like a spectator sport to them. Well, if your emotions are suffering at the idle hand of a vitriolic ex, why not put the fire Read more [...]

Seek Out your Friends

      Seek Out your Friends   If your ex was a control freak and trapped in a mental box, you can be sure that even after the divorce, they’ll chance their arm again and try to regain the control they (thought they) had. If you’ve broken away from that relationship and are now back on your feet, that’s where you need to stay. With enormous bravery you removed yourself from that oppressive situation and you do not need to revisit the horror or hurt ever again. It may Read more [...]

Recount Out Loud the Highlights of Your Relationship

  I was tapped on the shoulder by a wonderful old friend today who I’ve not seen in two years and we stood in the middle of Waitrose clucking like a pair of ducks catching up with each other’s news in digest.   I relayed my divorce news in bite-sized chunks and found myself bullet pointing that old relationship. It was enlightening - for me - and I want to direct this Tip of the Day to anyone on the lead up to leaving, or anyone who has been treated badly and is now in the devastatingly Read more [...]

Give Your Home a Make-Over

      If you’re living in the property you shared with your ex, you might like to consider making a few changes.  Give Your Home a Make-Over! In previous tips we’ve extolled the virtues of how much better you’ll feel by changing a few items in your wardrobe, particularly night attire and underwear and in the lounge, how fresh new cushion covers can help make a difference too. However, if you really don’t want them crossing your threshold unless invited, you might like Read more [...]

Write a Letter to Yourself

                Last year, I wrote a poem called, ‘I’ve Struggled Today’ which talks about how tricky it can be to carve a route through a regular day when the fangs of divorce have a firm grip on your backside. If you are feeling the pressure of your divorce or separation, put pen to paper and just write about how you feel. Do it by way of a letter to yourself, or a letter to your ex that you don’t intend to post, or a poem if you feel so Read more [...]

Divorce is Crap – Get Over it!

      Divorce is crap - get over it!’ It’s a strange take on what could easily be termed one of the most stressful life events, ever, but this is advice that may well be sent your way from acquaintances who have suffered terribly inside their own divorces. For some people, there are no soft boundaries for self-exploration during this difficult time; they prefer to take a cut and dry approach, hence the sharply direct tone in their words. Unemotional pragmatism is all they Read more [...]

A Proper Giggle is Actually Very Good

  One of the most infectious things in the world is laughter and when you are getting divorced, it seems fits of it are too far and few between. Having a proper giggle is actually very good for you! It releases endorphins, the body’s own natural happy juice, it helps strengthen your immune system, and it quashes stress and more besides. So how do you go about inducing a bit when you are feeling down in the mouth? If you have the internet to hand, your choices are endless. Pull up a snippet Read more [...]

Nigel Focused his Energy on a Card Each Day

    I met a wonderful chap today called Nigel. He recounted details of his divorce of over 20 years ago, like it were yesterday.     It was a highly disruptive and wearisome period of his life and like many divorces it lasted almost a year.   Whilst that might not be a time frame you want to face, a year is a fairly good estimate of how long it takes to wrap the process up.     To keep his disposition upbeat, he used an interesting technique to mark the time Read more [...]