Significant Dates Change Color

    After a divorce, previously significant dates change color and feel a little strange, mostly because you’re not sure how you are supposed to feel about them. That date stays on the calendar and comes around every year! The birthday of your ex is a good example. What do you do? Send a card, don’t send a card; to be honest, that’s an easy one to deal with by comparison to your wedding anniversary. Whether you spent a year together or three decades or more, that date signifies the Read more [...]

Do we Sacrifice Ourselves to Stay in a Relationship?

      Do we Sacrifice Ourselves to Stay in a Relationship?  Sacrifice is a word that most people are scared of. Sacrifice is called selflessness. Meaning you're willing place your partner's happiness above your own (LOVE). Of course, you're going to run across a person(s) that'll take advantage of it and/or not appreciate it, but those are the chances you take in relationships. It's all 50/50 whether or not it works out, but you can't stay sulking, and thinki...ng you feel like Read more [...]

It is Wise to Contact Your Insurance Company ASAP

  Car insurance is one of those strange anomalies that’s only likely to rear its renewable head once a year. If you are recently separated and were jointly insured for your vehicles, you’ll be wise to contact your insurance company or broker to make any necessary adjustments to the policies, as soon as possible. This is most especially relevant if your ex usually handled those affairs. You really don’t want to find out that they’ve removed you from a policy you thought was in place, Read more [...]

Help in the Fight to End Domestic Violence

One year ago I had the idea to collect stories from survivors of domestic violence and put them into a book. The focus of this project is not to make money, but to make a difference in a fight that is so near and dear to my heart. Being a clinician who has done a large amount of group work, one thing I have found to be amazingly true is that we learn more from other people who have been through the same thing than “experts.” That is a major reason that I wanted to do the project, but there Read more [...]

The Healing Therapy of Writing and Art

    At a cancer conference this fall, there was an enlightening session on using writing and art as a therapy for healing cancer. As I sat there listening to cancer survivor after survivor tell how they drew great peace and understanding from various forms of channeling their inner selves, it dawned on me that this is very much like therapy for people recovering form divorce. Some of the people talked about reaching their inner selves with singing, others with dancing, others from writing. Read more [...]

Distractions can be Incredibly Welcome

      The distractions that come with a gentle responsibility can be incredibly welcome when all your mind can focus on is the dreaded divorce. Have a look around your immediate vicinity to see if there’s anything you can get involved in that is gentle on your mind. Consider doing a minimal amount of volunteering in a charitable organization, or think about joining a reading group perhaps. These  distractions should be something that fits into a regular slot but isn’t Read more [...]

The Urge to Tell Your Ex Precisely What You Think of Them

  It can be incredibly difficult to resist the urge to tell your ex precisely what you think of them, particularly when they are behaving like a complete and utter tit. However, opening a line of futile dialogue is precisely that, futile and it may lead to a vat full of stress that you probably don’t need. How’s this for a cover solution; face paint, a nice thin brush and a private canvas, ie your forearm, tummy, thighs or elsewhere, could replace the spoken word and you can write whatever Read more [...]

Apply a Liberal Sprinkling of Patience

  Whether you’re 5 minutes past separation from your old spouse, knee-deep in divorce or 5 years the other side of your Decree Absolute, when it comes to dealing with an vexing ex, you’ll do well to apply a liberal sprinkling of patience.   Trouble is that’s far easier said than done.   There are limited things that enable aggravated patience levels to decrease; a dogged determination to rise above their pathetic behavior so they don’t bother you anymore and the simple Read more [...]

Keeping Your Children Out of the Icky Side of Divorce

  Here are a few bits of advice for keeping your children out of the icky side of divorce regardless of how long it has been since you separated or divorced.   1. When spending time with your child, don't speak negatively about your former spouse. 2. Do not argue with your ex in your child's presence, and especially avoid arguing when talking about the child. 3. Make sure you always arrive for visitations on time consistently so as not to offer any ammo for your ex. 4. Avoid talking Read more [...]

Enjoy the Cleansing Process of Reclaiming Your Space

  If you have a garden shed full of your ex-partner's tools and DIY equipment and they have no interest in removing them, it's worth exploring the less painful routes to ridding yourself of them and ceasing those constant, niggling reminders. Whatever you do, don't throw the items out with the rubbish! A little bit of internet research will uncover several charities who would benefit enormously from your generosity and would be delighted to take them off of your hands.  A great many of them Read more [...]