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When I was young, if a boy liked a girl, he asked her on a date. In the event that the girl was interested in him, she would accept the invitation. For some reason, we were expected to continue seeing each other and to try to make a relationship work. I know many people still practice this type of dating ritual, and many others married the wrong person because of it. Just because you went out for coffee does not mean that your date is the right person for you. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time.
People have asked me, “How can you date more than one person at a time?” The answer to that question is simple: “I am just dating, and I am not in a romantic relationship with anyone. We enjoy one another’s company; our dating is non-exclusive and platonic.” While dating after my divorce, I wanted to be discerning, have keen mental perception, vision and understanding in my dating. The word that sums all those attributes up is perspicacious [pur-spi-key-shuh s]. It is time to learn a new word and a new way to date. Dating is one phase and a relationship is another—they are not the same thing. Unfortunately, many have blended these two phases together or skipped the dating phase entirely.
On a regular basis, many well-meaning people have let me know I should just date one man at a time and give him a “chance.” Some have gone so far as to tell me it was the “Christian” thing to do. These well-meaning people do not understand that we not only are
giving each other a chance to be friends, we are also learning from each other about life in general and about ourselves.
I have not found any written rules in my faith that have told me how to date. There are some guidelines about what not to do while dating; for instance, dating a married person is absolutely not permitted. The guidelines of your faith are important to follow because your faith is part of your personality. Therefore, your deal breakers are a must to understand while dating. But who says just because you went on a date or two you have to date only that person? Dating is a time to explore what your desires and feelings are. It is just an opportunity to share your time and make new friends. This is especially true after a divorce. You must take the time to learn about yourself so you can find the partner who fulfills you.
God puts people in our paths for different reasons. Some will help you look within yourself and discover your true feelings or views. I have found this to be true for me because I did not realize how many of my beliefs were based on what others told me were the “proper” beliefs. Now, because of some of the men I have dated, I have opened my eyes to what my true views are. Thankfully, sometimes I have been able to watch and learn, by their example, how to deal with my ex. Some of the gentlemen I socialize with remind me to take a break from my endless to-do list and just go have fun. Then I have met a few men who weren’t right for me, but who have been just perfect for a friend of mine to date. If I had not been a Perspicacious dater, these couples might not have gotten together, or if they had, it might have become an uncomfortable situation.
Take your time and enjoy dating. Learn about yourself and what will fulfill you. Join groups like meetup.com and just get to know many new people with the same interests. This is the next phase after healing, and rushing into a relationship could destroy so much of the hard work you have done. Dating is really just a time to socialize with others while learning about yourself.
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Originally posted 2016-05-23 08:28:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter