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What is love?

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What is love? To answer this enormous question I think it’s important to, first of all, look at what love is NOT.

All too often jealousy, mistrust, expectation, desperation and loneliness are mistaken for love.

A person becomes fixated on another because they’re not happy with themselves or are dissatisfied with their life. They attract a partner similar to themselves who is seeking to fill the void in their own life; someone to take on the mammoth task of making them happy. But being responsible for someone else’s happiness is a huge pair of shoes to fill and that’s why although relationships at the beginning can feel like you’ve met your soulmate, after a few months both parties can become exhausted by being the other’s be all and end all, and the apathy or fights begin.

This is why it’s absolutely essential to love ourself (i.e. be happy with who we are and where we’re going in life) before we can embark on a healthy, successful romantic relationship with another. Otherwise, we’ll just end up falling from one painful, disastrous or empty relationship to another.

We must learn to be happy inside – do the self-development, get the therapy, live the life that makes us happy without a partner – before we can invite someone in to share it with us.

Once we’ve sorted out our issues and are living a full life, we’re in a better position to attract someone with whom we can share a healthy relationship. We can love them for who they are rather than who we need them to be; we can show them kindness because we will see them as our equal, we can trust them and allow them freedom rather than think of them as our property or as someone to control and, because a happy person doesn’t rely on their partner for their happiness, there is no pressure and the relationship is much more likely to be successful.

So, what is love?

Love is the coming together of two healthy, happy individuals who wish to share their lives and support each other to be the best they can be.

This article first appeared on ChatToCherry.com where Cherry is the Agony Aunt offering friendly, non-judgmental, first class advice.
Visit her site, like her Facebook page and follow her on Twitter.

 

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