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What on earth would be the point in settling for someone you are not totally in love with? That is like asking if you would still eat chocolate even if you can’t taste anything. Why even bother having a relationship in the first place? This is a sure sign that you are settling for someone when you shouldn’t be. When you say things like; this is your chance, you just don’t want to be alone, you’re tired of dating, there are billions of people in this world and you could learn to love anyone. More likely than not, it is not about the person you are with at all; it’s about you, and how you see yourself, your own issues, or your own fears. I’m not saying specifically YOU – this is true of most people.
Here is a better system than the “failed checklist” option you used the last go around looking for a mate. You know the one that didn’t work out so well for you? You are here now and welcome aboard! DUMP the checklist and just have deal breakers. There is one deal breaker you will know within 5 to 10 minutes, and that is if there is a physical attraction. Other than that allow problems to manifest themselves before you make a decision whether or not to continue to date.
Don’t sit across the table from dates trying to figure out what’s wrong with them. Take the time to get to know them and don’t be too critical on the first date. Everyone is nervous here, so allow enough time to observe them in their natural, comfortable state. Learn their virtues and vices. Let them be themselves and make sure you are whom you really are. With time you both will learn each other’s idiosyncrasies, sometimes they are deal breakers and other times they are the things you love the most about your partner. This isn’t flashy or glitzy, but it’s a pretty good system, and it gives both of you the time to make a fair assessment.
Remember everything does not have to be 100% perfect. You can love your partner 100% for the person they are; the real flawed human being that we all are. Thinning hair, a bit older, a crazy ex, we all have baggage and foibles but don’t let them detract you from a potential relationship.
One last note, do not make a mental list of all the things you could change in this person, it never works. I have found the true virtue of finding your mate is learning to accept everything about them as is. If there are quirks about them that you cannot accept, then you need to move on. It is not their faults where the problem lies; it is your inability to accept them for who they are. The only change that you should focus on is within yourself. That is the only way you will find true love and happiness.
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