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Things You Should Know about Hoovers and Hoovering


Dirt Devil

Hoovers and Hoovering are terms that came from the popular vacuum cleaner brand. Hoovering is the behavior common among abusers that is seen when the victim threatens to get out, or actually gets out of an abusive relationship. The abuser will suck the victim back into the relationship by playing with one’s weaknesses. It can be done by giving the victim gifts, promises, acts of affection, and compliments.


Hoovers and Hoovering have been made possible because of the fear of being alone. It is part of the Abusive Cycle. It allows abusers to maintain abusive relationships by manipulating victims to go back when they are already leaving.


A victim loves the feeling of being Hoovered. It is because the abuser pushes all the right buttons to make the victim feel like he/she is the most important person in the planet. But the feeling will not last long as the abuser will return to one’s old ways and start the abuse again.


Abusers who mastered the art of Hoovers and Hoovering are able to give victims enough to make them not want to leave abusive relationships. Personal validation feels good, but it is bad when it comes from abuse.


Sometimes it is difficult to determine whether the abuser has truly turned a new leaf or if it is just a Hoover. In some cases, it is the combination of both. Abusers are really sincere about their emotions when they are Hoovering. They are convincing because they have convinced themselves that they are trying to be better for the relationship to work.


If you are not sure whether you are being hoovered or not, it is best to wait before you get back into the relationship while getting professional help.  They will be able to assist you in determining whether the person has changed for the better. You must compare your life during and life after abuse. It should help you decide whether you want to give the person another chance or not. If you can’t wait and want to jump right back into the reationship, then it is a sign that you need help healing from abuse.


Hoovers and Hoovering is likely to happen if the victim needs to feel wanted and important. It is vital that the victim must love oneself more as part of one’s healing from abuse. It is a hard process because victims feel safer in abusive relationships.


Victims are also afraid that they can not find someone “as good” as their abusive partners. Some are afraid of taking the next step. To avoid abusive relationships in the future, it is best to maintain your own life even when you’re in a relationship. You must not be too dependent on your partner. And when you see signs of Hoovers and Hoovering again, it is best to get out of that relationship as soon as possible and don’t fall for the tactic again.


Click here to read Part 1 – Learn Some Basics About Abuse

Part 2 – Ways to Cope With Leaving a Narcissistic Relationship

Here is the link to Part 3 – Stop the Abuse by Breaking the Cycle of Violence

Part 4 – Discovering Your Lost Self: Bye Bye Co-Dependency!

To see Part 5 – Life after Abuse: Talk Yourself Out of Verbal Abuse click here


If you’re feeling hopeless, HOPE is just a phone call away. No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is here to help. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. For Hearing & Speech Impaired with TTY Equipment: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)


If you are in a relationship that is violent, and remember violence is not just physical but also mental and emotional, then seek help when you are able. Seek out local resources in your area such as the Domestic Abuse Shelter. The most dangerous time for a the victim in a violent relationship is when they try to leave. It is scary, but there are people who can help. The Hotline is a national domestic violence help line. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or the Victim Center at 1-800-394-2255.


Domestic Abuse Helpline Services for Men and Women
24-hour hotline operated by staff and trained volunteers to offer information and crisis intervention to victims of domestic violence. They provide information about the issues concerning intimate partner violence. Referrals to community resources. Resource directory for the country including where to find (if available) “male victim friendly” resources in your area. Assistance in filing protection from abuse orders (where available).

Crisis Hotline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)



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Hello my name is Lillian. I’m the artist and creator of the Sassy Zen cards. I am also a Certified Holistic Health Coach, a Certified Vision Board Coach, with over 30 years of consulting experience. A Sassy Zen 20 min. 1 question reading reviews your past, identifies exactly where you are now, and offers guidance on how to best move forward toward a successful future. This is not just a reading… but an outstanding service… helping you to find your ultimate success!


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Sassy Zen is a lighthearted philosophy with a profound, yet upbeat and optimistic way of interpreting events and issues in your life. Sassy Zen seeks to create balance and clarity by connecting you with your own inner wisdom, so that you can find the easiest way over, under, or around any perceived obstacles that may be getting in the way of fulfilling your dreams

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