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Be yourself and don’t be with someone that you want to “change!”
Unfortunately, many believe they ought to concentrate on the good aspects of your potential partner and overlook the tiny problems which are not compatible. Many take this a step further and do not communicate to the new partner issues that they’re feeling. The notion of picking your battles is definitely an important part of the way you approach conflict in marriage because there will almost always be some disagreements regardless of how compatible you are. However, it is not the method you should use when you’re trying to select a partner and build a new relationship. Dating is the time, to genuinely discover, how compatible you actually are with the other individual and the only way you can accomplish this is being open and honest. The courting period is the time to discover your compatibility as partners; it is not the time to hide your true feelings, or start making mental notes about the things you will “change” concerning your partner when you’re in a much more serious relationship. Rachel Sussman author of “The Break-Up Bible” said “If you notice red flags and still go forward, hoping for someone to change, or for a different outcome, you are setting yourself up for a bad breakup.” When a person makes a change in order for it to become a permanent change, they must desire the change for themselves. If a change in made for any other reason, there may be a change for a short period of time; nevertheless any changes to make you happy are rarely permanent.
In the world of dating, people have been encouraged to create and have a checklist when looking for a potential partner. These lists can easily become endless and more often than not unrealistic. Most of us are fairly average and ordinary people. Remember no-one is perfect including you! Sometimes those odd little quirks could turn out to be the thing you love most about your partner.
Relationships are never perfect, they all require compromise. The proverbial line-in-sand-deal breakers are specific issues that are simply non-negotiable. It should be only about four or five any more than that you will be creating checklist.
To give you an idea of how deal breakers are different from checklist, I will share mine.
1. My relationship with God is very important to me, and I need a man that is on the same page.
2. I cannot be involved with a person that is connected with drug use or someone addicted to gambling. If they have an addiction, our relationship will never come first.
3. If they have ever cheated or abused anyone in any way (physical, emotional, verbal, sexual), it doesn’t matter what the circumstances were; to me these things can never be justified.
4. I need to be physically and emotionally attracted to a man. Having poor hygiene or appearance stops the physical attraction immediately. On the other side of the coin, a man that is emotionally attractive can become physically attractive.
All humans are naturally flawed; expecting a person to be perfect is not only unrealistic, but will most likely lead to disappointment and loneliness. As you establish your list of deal breakers, keep in mind that your goal is not to try and find the perfect human being; it is about finding the person who is perfect for you, by bringing out the best in both of you. Overlooking or traits you would like to “change” about the person should never be a part of your dating experience. The divorce courts are full of cases where people went into the marriage with those attitudes and yours may be one of them.
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Originally posted 2013-09-12 14:30:17. Republished by Blog Post Promoter