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If They Show You Attention DOES NOT Mean….


woman pointing


The first person that shows you attention may not be the right person for you!

Many people find themselves going through a string of unhealthy relationships, which are not fulfilling. This happens very often because after a divorce it is very common; to feel starved for attention and become attached to the first person who shows them attention. Just a simple touch or smile when someone has not received one for months or years may be mistaken for a potential relationship. Unfortunately, there are people that realize how many feel after a divorce and will use it to their advantage to achieve their goals. They probably not give a second thought to you and your feeling. It doesn’t matter why these types of relationships start they usually end quickly, and if you do not learn why you are attracted to them, the process will be repeated again and again. In most cases, the person probably has self-defeating thought patterns. Just going through a divorce many ex partners reinforce self-defeating thought patterns. Charles Edward Sherman and Warren Farrell authors of “Make Any Divorce Better” point out because of these psychological traps many people unintentionally increase their anguish as well as lengthen it.  The self-defeating thought patterns keep you stuck in anger, anxiety, or depression. This particular negative thought process will inhibit you from continuing to move forward with your life.  There are numerous thoughts that may hinder your capability to move on to healthy, fulfilling relationships.


Here are some and I am sure you could come up with a few more:

1. I’m likely to end up alone forever because there are not any real, honest ones left.

2. I’m too old, my body isn’t what it used to be, I’m fat, I’m ugly…….

3. I do not deserve a good partner.

4. There just are not enough normal people to pick from, therefore; I must settle with whoever shows interest in me.


These statements and others like them are just based on fear. Two types of fear: the first is anxiety about being alone and the other is being nervous about being rejected. Many divorced people jump into relationships prematurely simply because they’re fearful of being alone. That is truly an error in judgment. The fear of being alone leads to obsessive thought patterns in which you tell yourself there are not enough normal individuals plus the good ones are all taken. Frequently with this attitude, you will have a panicked feeling, just like you are marching into battle to obtain the last eligible person on the planet. This can lead to settling on a relationship that just is not fulfilling or even as functional as you deserve. You remain with someone you may very well not have even given second consideration to in the event you hadn’t simply feared being alone. Settling for less should not be an option, even if they were the last single person left! Make an effort to look at being alone in a very new light. Consider yourself as liberated to live your life filled with friends, hobbies, and free to pursue all of your dreams. Date freely and do not settle for anyone that’s less than that which you deserve. If you have the right perspective regarding single life, you will not panic so easily about spending the rest of your life alone. For many, the fear of being rejected by a potential partner can become so paralyzing for some to the point that they end up spending the rest of their life alone. People may shy away from relationships simply because they don’t feel adequate, or deserving of them, or just because they don’t know how to handle being rejected, then you’re likely to end up in relationships which are less than what you would like and deserve. It will be fine for a short time and then the emptiness will set in again, and you will find yourself alone. Instead of following the path of settling for anyone spend the time repairing your self-esteem and taking the time to build up confidence in yourself. As you discover all that you have to offer another person, you realize why you happen to be worthy of the most wonderful best possible partner you can find. You will see your own personal value and realize you have so much to offer. With each day and each step in the progress you are making, it will be easier to overcome the fear of rejection.





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Originally posted 2013-08-15 12:59:06. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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2 thoughts on “If They Show You Attention DOES NOT Mean….

  1. Good article. What I like about what Tasher writes is that she doesn’t try to give formulas for when to date again or absolutes. People told me to ease back into it, or to wait one month for every year I had been married. Are they kidding?? I was married for 24 years. I wasn’t waiting that long to start healing. And I could only heal by seeing myself through the eyes of others.

    Start when you want. Do NOT act out of fear, but out of discovery.

    Good luck.

    Post here and tell us how you’re doing.

    William Kenly
    author of “The Dogs of Divorce”

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