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Just like everyone else, my ex-husband has his view of our past, and I have mine. They are probably two totally different memories. After a Divorce History Sometimes Changes. I’m sure his new significant other doesn’t really know the type of person I am. This became evident to me the first time I met her.
I moved out of state about a year earlier. My daughter and my two grandchildren moved with me while my two sons and grandson stayed close to my ex-husband. All of my children are adults. I did not move until after my youngest son’s 21st birthday.
A while ago, I had come back to visit my boys. It was going to be a short trip, and I didn’t think I would run into my ex-husband and his new fiancée, but I did. At first we all got along well. My older son was there, but my younger one, as usual, was running late. I was anxious to see my youngest son, so I stated, “I can’t wait to see him!” At that point, my ex’s fiancée said, “When was the last time you talked to him.” I turned and looked at her and said “Yesterday, a number of times.” She looked over at me with a confused look on her face. Her next comment really blew my mind. She said, “but you abandon them.” I couldn’t believe what this woman had said to me. How can you abandon adult children, especially when they had the choice to stay near their father or move with me to a new location?
My older son and I text daily even if it’s just “good morning”, or “I love you”, on other days I usually get a lot of details. My younger son is a typical 22-year-old, sometimes I hear from him frequently and then other times I don’t for a period of time. I looked at her and said, “I love all of my children and grandchildren more than life itself. I have never nor would I ever abandon any of them.”
Then I looked at my ex-husband and of course he was looking at something in the other direction. I could tell from his body language he had no interest in looking in my direction. We both knew he gave her misleading information, but it wasn’t worth fighting about it. I don’t really care what this woman or my ex-husband think about me. They have their life, and I wish them well. The only people I care what they think of me are my children and my grandchildren.
During the conversation, my younger son had arrived. I looked at my boys, and I realized saying anything to my ex at this point would have made them more uncomfortable, besides they knew the truth. Sometimes it’s more important to let your ex have their stories than it is to hash things out. If they want to remember your history a little different, then let them.
“If it’s not something that will matter in five years, it’s not worth fighting about.” – Tashers’ Grandmother Lena
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