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I processed through my divorce while I was getting the divorce. It was a time for growing, understanding and accepting what was happening to me and my family. You must be able to view your situation from a positive perspective. I kept trying to find the silver lining. I know God has a plan, and I need to be open to follow his plan. I started watching for “God Winks” and let them guide me. This also helped me become more positive and not feel so alone. Set out on a path to healing and growth and don’t get stuck in the negative things of the past. The divorce is over, and the battle is done. Here are some tips that can help move away from being adversaries.
1. Neither of You Were Perfect:
Stop over thinking what was done wrong during the marriage. The end of the marriage wasn’t due to the lack of perfection on either spouse’s part. Push all thoughts of what was done wrong out of your head and replace them with positive thoughts. This will teach you tolerance for yourself and your ex. You may not understand or agree with their actions but as long as they are not abusive your ex has earned your tolerance. You are doing this to help yourself. When bad thoughts creep into my mind first I take a deep breath, exhale slowly and say to myself, “no one is perfect” and try to let it go. If that doesn’t work I say the Lords’ Prayer, a few Hail Mary’s or the Serenity Prayer. I am usually fine after that. Stop looking in your past at things you cannot change. When you keep doing this you’re hurting yourself and delaying you’re healing. You are the one preventing yourself from living in the present and starting to step into your future.
2. Really Be Nice:
This can be really hard to do at times. If your ex is like mine, they know how to push all your buttons and how you usually react when the buttons are pushed. When this happens, keep telling yourself “take the high road” and he/she isn’t right. They may be pushing your buttons just to get a certain reaction. You are in control; do not give them the reaction they are seeking.
Set clear boundaries, and clearly inform your ex-spouse regarding them. How can your ex respect your boundaries if they do not know what they are? In the event your ex chooses to not respect your boundaries remove yourself. As you leave take a long deep breathe with a smile and say a prayer in your mind. I’ve learned from experience that if you respond to a situation with a smile you will feel that smile in your heart.
3. Manners and Respect:
As much as you dislike your ex-spouse they probably dislike you that much or more. He/she is going to behave badly toward you at times that is just part of a divorce. If you have children, your ex will be in your life for the rest of your life. I truly believe we must have manners and treat each other with a certain amount of respect. It can be almost impossible, but you need to view your ex-spouse’s bad behavior as something they are doing and you do not have to participate. Don’t get caught up in disliking him/her and responding to them in an uncivil manner.
4. Accept the Things You Can’t Change:
Divorce brings up many negative feelings like fear, anxiety, insecurity, anger, confusion, disappointment, depression and the list goes on and on. This was a life altering time in your lives. In many ways, it was a change that needed to happen. The divorce is final and the battle should be also. It is the time to begin your new life. Be yourself and do the things that make you happy. Accept, the things you can’t change, go out spread your wings and change the things you can.
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