“Research data show that loneliness is a killer. Even bigger than cigarettes. If the thought of holidays without your ex evokes emptiness and sadness for you, know that you don’t have to stay in that state and suffer. Our emotional state is largely influenced by our perception and actions. You don’t have to be helpless. Think about some of the practical advice below. The following remarks written by Tasher will help you put things into perspective.” Latica Mirjanic, MA Psych, Upper deck self help
The weeks from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day is especially important for families as they signify a time of love and togetherness. With a pound of the gavel, now the term “holidays” means entirely something else. The season feels so foreign, you might feel it should be called “clueless” season instead of holiday.
When parents’ divorce, it is always difficult for the kids, and it may take them some time to adjust to the idea of having two separate parents instead of a family unit. A lot of movement adds additional stress on the children, especially if the transition is chaotic. Some of the challenges faced by children when parents’ divorce are the new routines and schedules that they have to get used to. To help children cope with the memories of the past and the great amount of adjustment required on their part, it takes a great amount of creativity, compassion, and empathy, along with the willingness of both parents to address their concerns. Enjoy a festive season during the holidays and keep your family in the best of spirits.
Keeping the Holiday Spirit
If this is your first holiday season as a single and divorced person, there is no need to worry. There is no need to feel sad when you see other married couples celebrating together because with the tips mentioned below, you may have a much happier holiday ahead.
- Participate! Spend time accepting invitations from all your happy, upbeat, and positive friends and colleagues. If you don’t have any invitations, why not plan a party on your own? There is no better way to take your mind off of being single and alone during the holidays than to mingle with happy and upbeat, cheerful people. There may be more single people among your family and friends than you realized.
- Plan ahead. Instead of spending weeks in anticipation, dreading the holiday season, why not get started with planning your holiday? Replace any negative thoughts you have this season with positive and hopeful thoughts. Write some of your ideas down and paste them on your bathroom mirror. Anticipate any issues that may crop up and iron out a good plan right from the start. It may be ideal to plan things as far out as six weeks or a month ahead. This is essential to ensure your holiday is stress free for yourself and your children. If you are planning to spend this holiday alone, some of your activities may require early planning, such as going to the theater or a spa to spend some quality time alone.
- Cultivate the attitude of gratitude. You may be single this holiday, but this doesn’t mean you don’t have things to be grateful for. Just one of the past ingredients of the holiday season has spoiled and is no longer included. Count your blessings, and you will see you have many more than you realized. Be grateful for each and every one and protect them. After all, this is the meaning of Christmas, isn’t it?
- Embrace the fact that you are single. Being single is a great opportunity to go out and see the world. It’s a great time to figure out your priorities and realize what you want out of life. There is no one to answer to, there are no compromises, and what you have is some space to understand yourself and consider all the things in life that are important to you.
- Prepare for the holiday. Before going to bed, place your favorite CD in your music player next to your bed. Fill empty spaces with comfortable objects for a while, like an oversized teddy bear on the bed with you. When you wake in the morning, take a deep breath, reach over, and turn on your favorite CD that has been waiting patiently for you all night long. Let music start your day. Linger in the comfort of your blankets and casually plan your day with the sound of music in the background.
Christmas brings along with it a certain magic. It’s a day a child looks forward to all year round. The way you deal with your divorce during the holiday season has a lot to do with the impact the holiday season will have on your child. Your empathy and forgiveness will go a long way in making Christmas beautiful and magical for everyone. If you are wondering how Christmas would be now your family is no longer a unit, read on and find ways in which you can restore the magic to your life.
- Don’t bring up the divorce. One of the most important things is to release all negative emotions. There is no room for sadness in this beautiful holiday season. If you are happy and upbeat, the children will take your lead and continue on as if there is no difference between the previous Christmas and this one. Don’t guilt-trip your children about wanting to spend time with their other parent, especially if you are the nonresident parent. Understand their need to hold onto the happiness and joy they experienced with both parents in the past, and let them enjoy this holiday season by spending a fair amount of time with each parent in peace.
- Do at least one activity your holiday-age self would do. To figure out your holiday age, add the numbers of your age together. If you are 41, your holiday age is 4 + 1, or 5 years old. This exercise will help bring out the child in you and you can enjoy the magic the holiday has to offer. If anyone says you are too old to do something, explain to them about your holiday age and that during this wonderful season you are allowed to let the child in yourself out to play.
- Embrace the freedom to use your creativity. For instance, take the Christmas tree. You do not have to trouble yourself going out to buy, transport, or struggle to get it into the house. Look around and see what you have, maybe a fairly huge hat rack, and decorate that. Put an angel or star at the top, some cotton on the “branches” to look like snow, and add glitter strings and shiny stuff, then stack all the gifts up around the bottom. String the Christmas lights against the curtains and on as many “unreachable” places in the living area as possible, like the chandelier and from light fitting to light fitting, with some connecting with the hat rack tree as well. When you turn the switch on and turn all the normal lights off, it will look like magical network of angel lights. Shake the music up a bit; possibly some angelic-sounding choir music. Your theme can be angels because they announced the birth of Jesus against the night sky. Bake angel cakes or cookies and wrap all your gifts in angel gift wrapping. One of your new traditions could be choosing a new theme for next year’s holiday season. Using your creative ideas in gifting and decoration will not only keep you busy this year, but is also something you can work on all year long as you collect little trinkets for next year’s holiday theme.
Divorced and Scared No More book series: Available on Amazon
Originally posted 2016-12-11 15:37:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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