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It comes with many names, and rarely is it ever accepted – infidelity is one of the single worst acts somebody can commit in a relationship. Trying to deal with the act of cheating, or adultery, can be quite a difficult thing to deal with. The emotional dilemmas as well as psychological barriers it can creates in someone’s mind can be very hard to get over.
Whether you have been the victim of infidelity, or have left a relationship because of your own actions, trying to understand just why this has happened can be a difficult and soul-searching process. Finding all the answers is never easy, and sometimes you may not like what you hear, but knowing the truth and the real reasons why is so important for your development as a person.
The Exact Infidelity Definition
Defined as a “a breach of trust, or a disloyal act or transgression” infidelity refers to the act of breaking another person’s trust entirely. While in a legal sense it is a breach of your marital vows and the “contract” entered, the damage it can cause on a relationship is far more serious than just a breach of your terms.
Common feelings associated with the discovery of infidelity are those of rage, betrayal, a lack of self-confidence and constant self-deprecation. While in marriage the exclusivity of the relationship comes as a given, some do not heed these strict vows.
What is Adultery?
Described by Psychology Today as “breaking a promise to remain faithful to a sexual partner” the trauma that can be caused by infidelity is incredible. Adultery is a more common name used by some religious texts, and refers to the breaking of your commitment to the one you are with. There are so many names out there. It’s hard to know what to actually call it. An affair, adultery, infidelity – whatever comes to mind.
However, it can be described in many different ways, really. A breaking of a bond or a code that you both agreed to when you got married, adultery is the act in which a marriage or a relationship can rarely be saved. Whether you have seen it yourself or have been the victim of adultery in a relationship, the scars can be deep and difficult to live with.
What Makes People Cheat?
Every act of adultery is completely unique, and this means the circumstances and excuses change every time. It can range from anything from an unhappy relationship at home either emotionally or sexually. Various studies undertaken by a variety of experts over the years have shown that dissatisfaction with life at home was the most common reason.
Of course, some people just like the thrill of the chase, or don’t take their lives and marriages too seriously. All of these excuses are poor reasons for what makes people cheat – but the common factor that comes up with a lack of satisfaction at home. However, various other studies show anything from where you live to the job you have playing a part in how likely you are to commit adultery.
One thing is for sure, however, and that is the fact that the end results are always the same – an incredibly hurt member of the relationship and an incredibly guilty party. Trying to work out your own individual reasons for being in this predicament is a good way for actually knowing why you cheated, or why you were cheated on.
In a relationship, it’s hard not to become blindsided by our feelings, and the actions and others. When things were going so well that you thought you may have had “the one”, it can be difficult to comprehend that they do not feel the same way. Likewise, it can be difficult to move on from a relationship where the commitment is only one way. Our raw hurt or guilt can completely change our perspective against the type of advice and opinion we would give to others, were they in this situation.
There are literally so many different reasons why people cheat; it’s hard to create any kind of correlation or list. Sure, statistics might make you feel better, but it’s not going to change anything else. You need to work out why you cheated/were cheated on instead, as it will be your unique situation that was the case for you, not the statistical probability.
The Impact On A Relationship (Reference: MarriageBuilders.com)
The impact is entirely up to the affected party. If the option for reconciliation is there, it’s usually the afflicted member rather than the cheater who initiates any repair in the relationship. However, every separation is different – it really does depend on how the person who is cheated on can react to the situation. Some will simply feel that it is too strong an act of betrayal; others will see it as a wake-up call that something has to change.
However, here at Divorced and Scared NO More, we concentrate on seeing past the bad. We recommend that you take the lemons that life threw at you – and you turn them into a zesty lemon sorbet! Whether your relationship has just ended or you are still trying to recover a few months on, we help many people move on from a dark place in their lives and find peace and solace elsewhere.
This article spoke quite heavily about how heavily dissatisfaction plays in a relationship. Looking at your relationship from every angle and perspective, trying to remove yourself from the raw emotion and indecision of it all, was there any dissatisfaction on your part?
Working out how you feel about the situation as a whole, rather than how your heart is shouting after the act is committed, is the best way to find the real solution for you. How would you advise somebody else in your exact circumstances?
While infidelity is a horrible subject and can leave you with emotional scars that take many years to heal, it can be the fresh start your life may need. What is for you will never go by you in life!
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