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After a divorce that involved infidelity both parties lives have forever been changed. The last article addressed the challenges unique to the person that was betrayed. In our previous articles we have concentrated on the effects that divorce can have on couples over time. This article will delve into what type of challenges await the party that committed the infidelity.
Moving forward from a previous relationship is never easy. It leaves a lot of previous baggage, a lot of “What If?” moments and even more doubts about the future. Leaving a routine and a way of life that could have been in place since you were a teenager, depending on the length of your relationship, is so difficult to actually do.
However, acts like adultery tend to be followed by such serious actions. There are lots of ways to end a marriage or a relationship, and not a single one of them is ever truly 100% amicable. However, the most painful way is to lose your commitment to the other person. This type of betrayal can be life changing, and not in a lottery winning kind of way.
You have cheated and been the aggressor toward ending the relationship, there are quite a few challenges that lay ahead for you. Moving back into the “real world” will be a difficult place and you may find that old relationships have been affected due to your actions. You need to consider the following;
Why Did You Cheat?
What made you go and get involved with somebody else? Were you bored? Did your other half no longer excite – did they ever excite you in the first place?
This isn’t something anybody can answer for you – this answer can only be found in the depths of your own being. Do you think that you would be likely to find yourself in the same type of situation down the line? If so, perhaps relationships aren’t for you. Some people aren’t cut out for it, and need to have that independence – we aren’t all looking for Suburbia.
Stem The Tide
This is going to sound harsh – but people are going to want to let you know what they think of you. Unfortunately, adultery is such a high-octane issue that keeping it between you both is going to be hard. Friends who are on both sides of the fence, family members (even your own) and acquaintances are going to want to stick their opinion in.
The problem with is, if you react you are going to come out looking even worse. Your life is going to be a degree of difficult at one stage, depending on how serious the split was after your infidelity was discovered. You’ll need to deal with the fact that old friends may no longer be, and certain traditions will be over. Infidelity affects you and those in both of your lives, unfortunately.
The Next Move
Although many affairs and flings start off as just “a bit of fun”, they can develop legs at an intense pace. Before you know it, love declarations have been made and plans to run away together are hatched. If you have been involved in this type of adultery, is this really the best way to start a relationship?
It’s always said that relationships that begin with infidelity will usually end in the same fashion. You are somebody who has just caused so much carnage, and need to think if that type of relationship is the wisest thing for you.
Many report feelings of guilt and shame that started when they initially had thoughts of getting involved in the affair and continue even years after the divorce. Others have expressed in the first few months or year an overwhelming fear of what the future holds with all the people they care about because they felt hopeless thinking these people will never forgive you. Anger is also common because they think they don’t deserve to have these feelings, and this turned into anger. While others are angry at themselves for getting involved and having an affair. There is no easy way to process all these emotions it will take time and there is no easy way or shortcuts but you will gradually heal. Stop beating yourself up! Some people come into our lives to teach us a meaningful lesson and then leave. Mistakes are to be learned from and lessons should be passed on.
Even if you feel no shame for what you have done, or perhaps you felt that your old relationship was dead already, there are always dregs of guilt awaiting you. Dealing with this wave of emotion, even as the guilty party, could seriously jeopardize the relationship you are about to head into.
Consider all of this seriously as it could be some of the most challenging aspects of acclimatizing to life after your adultery.
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