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If there is one thing that can be said about divorce is that the feelings and the thoughts that go through our heads can be hard to contend with. Even in amicable finishes to a relationship, divorce opens up many questions that most of us aren’t prepared to answer.
However, infidelity and adultery is arguably the worst way a relationship can end. Especially if you need to see them regularly enough for court proceedings, there is basically no way that divorce can be dealt with easily here.
For both parties, their lives will never be the same again. We have concentrated on the effects that divorce can have on couples over time in our previous articles, but we want to really delve into what type of challenges await the inflicted party during an after adultery divorced life.
It is very common for the spouse that was betrayed to have to overcome issues with feelings of mistrust because everything in their reality has been shattered. The destruction was so deep that they now question their judgment on everything and everyone in their lives. In addition expect to deal with triggers that will unexpectedly resurrect the strong emotions. When you least expect it something will happen and remind you of the betrayal. Unfortunately these things will most likely happen to you for years to come.
Sometimes people in an attempt to protect themselves from the pain of betrayal happening to them again create an aversion to anyone that could be a future partner. They convince themselves of things like…. all men cheat or all women lie….. Others will avoid intimacy by holding back parts of themselves in any future relationship. Feelings of unfounded fears regarding the faithfulness of any future partners can evolve into an all-consuming jealousy.
Getting Back In The Saddle
Being able to get over the fact you were cheated on is a long-term process. Some people feel that the best solution is just to get back out there and forget that it ever happened. This is one of the key challenges to dealing with adultery, though. Are you ready to simply get back out into the field of relationships and intimacy?
Too many take this step far too quickly. If you are still waiting for your feelings and the events of the divorce to really “hit” you then jumping into relationships is definitely not the right way to go. This is one of the biggest challenges, for sure, as building up the confidence you once had in yourself is a long-term prospect. You need to be prepared to take it one day at a time, and slowly wane yourself back into the real world.
Accepting It’s Not Your Fault
Just like adultery can really damage your self-confidence and opinion of your own self, it can leave you with immense feelings of guilt. Many people blame themselves after the event, at least in the short-term, believing if they offered more this would never have happened.
The problem with this type of thinking is it can have irreversible effects. Adultery is purely the act of somebody who either can’t face commitment or cannot be trusted to commit. Therefore, those who commit adultery will fall into that path and if they don’t cheat they might find another way to escape.
There’s one thing that’s for sure, though, and that is that no amount of believing you were at fault for such a horrible act being committed is going to make it true!
As a sign of strength, it can be common for those getting over adultery to try and put up a wall, a shield. This will not help anybody, though, as that sheer level of hurt and raw emotion can be so difficult for people to deal with. Without ever confronting the anger and the hurt that will have built up over the course of events, you could genuinely make yourself ill.
Therefore, it’s important to get all of that tension out of your system before you do some real damage to yourself! Your pride may have taken a knock, but that is reversible. A stress related injury isn’t always so temporary.
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Are any of the following concerns keeping you awake at night?
– Will I always feel this lonely?- I feel stuck. I need help setting goals for my new life.- How do I deal with stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed as a single parent on a daily basis?
– Dating again? How do I get started and attract the “love of my life”?
If any of the concerns above are keeping you awake at night, then call Joanie Winberg, a Divorce Mentor directly @ 508-947-2750 for a complimentary 30 minute coaching session. Or email Joanie firstname.lastname@example.org if you prefer to use Skype
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