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Getting a divorce is one thing, and surviving it is another, making things more difficult. When a marriage ends, a series of stressful events are faced by spouses and their children. In most cases, either party is often at the disadvantage and suffers much from this ordeal, as he or she is often left surviving with children. Such nerve-racking changes as new living arrangements, decisions about finances and parenting schedules can often limit one’s ability to make sound decisions.
You may become miserably depressed after the divorce, and as such, making you commit some of the most devastating mistakes that hinder you from moving on and begin the healing process after an arduous debacle. Here are some things that you should not do after a divorce:
What Women Should Not Do After Divorce
1. Avoid the Failure Tag. Often, a woman felt like she has failed in her marriage and that she herself, is a failure. It’s as if her life is ruined because of a failed marriage. Often, a woman remains miserable because she tags herself as a failure; therefore, everything else will fail. Put in mind that it is marriage, which has failed, and that you are not a failure yourself. If you would put all the blame on yourself, it will become a hindrance to heal from the wounds of divorce. Feel good about yourself. It’s the best thing that you can do.
2. Avoid Making Bad Choices. Do not let divorce get in your way to feel excited of a new life after it. Feel beautiful, sexy and lovable. Think of the failed marriage as an opportunity to be happy, as you are free again. Think that your failed marriage does not necessarily define you as a woman, and it should not become an obstacle to achieve success in your next relationship.
3. Act Tough and Go it Alone. Many women tell themselves that she can get through it, and she can begin to feel better each day. However, it is best advised that you seek help and support when you need to. Do not refuse help coming from your loved ones when going through this painful episode in your life. Of course, you should act tough but get support as needed.
What Men Should Not Do After Divorce
1. Entering a New Relationship Too Soon. Even before the dust and debris have settled on your divorce, you have started seeing a new woman, rushing to enter a new relationship or even a new marriage. Being lonely or vulnerable is not an excuse to look for someone new to make you feel better.
2. Isolation. Avoid this common mistake of men of feeling isolated, making them more susceptible to suicide than married men. Take your time out and be happy again. You have got a life to live even after a divorce. Do not drift and dwell into binge drinking; working long hours or any tricks you think that will help you forget your misery.
3. Introducing a New Woman to Your Kids Too Soon. No matter how excited you are for meeting someone new, do not make the mistake of introducing the new person into your kid’s life too soon. Understand that, just like you and your ex, your kids are also into an episode of darkness in their lives for seeing their parents going in separate ways.
What Either Party Should Not Do After Divorce
1. Making Choices to Please the Kids. Well, it is okay to make your children happy, but it does not make any sense at all if you are making decisions just to please them. You totally fail to consider that what you like is counter-productive. Often, children undergo a period where they dislike you because of the divorce. However, children will ultimately learn to live and grow with divorced parents. Sometimes your fears and apprehensions create the kind of reality your children live.
You can’t always sugarcoat the pain that your family is going through nor can you just pretend it does not exist or you can just you push it away with so many toys, treats or gadgets to make everyone better. Speak your truth to your children. You will be surprised at how they can understand and cope up with the situation. Just remember to always stay true to yourself and communicate to your children so they will be able to voice out their true feeling, too.
Just because your children are adults does not mean they are immune to hurting because of your divorce. Age has no factor regarding your children because you are still their parents no matter what the age.
2. Going Into Isolation. Reading books and listening to personal growth materials could be effective but short-lived. This is because your pains are bottled up inside you, needing to be released and isolation cannot do the trick or sustain your positive feelings.
It is okay to show your vulnerability sometimes. It is okay to cry or share how you feel with a trusted friend or family. Get as much emotional support or help you can get from the people you love and who loves you most. Stop living in misery and start living your life to the fullest—and you might need someone to wake you up from acting tough but feeling miserable deep inside.
Coping and healing from a divorce is not an easy task that you can accomplish in one sitting, but you can find ways on how to make things right the next time while undergoing such a miserable life stage. It is not only you that suffers from the effects of divorce but your kids, too, so be sensitive of their feelings and do not make choices just to please them. More than anything else, it is their welfare that both of you should be considering more than yours. Try to be considerate and do not make them suffer any further by avoiding some mistakes that men and women do after a divorce.
DASNM has a complimentary 30 minute coaching session just for you:
Divorce Support is just a phone call away!
Are any of the following concerns keeping you awake at night?
– Will I always feel this lonely?- I feel stuck. I need help setting goals for my new life.- How do I deal with stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed as a single parent on a daily basis?
– Dating again? How do I get started and attract the “love of my life”?
If any of the concerns above are keeping you awake at night, then call Joanie Winberg, a Divorce Mentor directly @ 508-947-2750 for a complimentary 30 minute coaching session. Or email Joanie @ email@example.com if you prefer to use Skype
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