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After months of anger and not speaking my then-husband left and a divorce was in the process on an early September morning. Soon after came my 50th birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas followed by our 25th wedding anniversary. Those dates were extremely tough to bear alone, and it was very hard. These are a few things I wish I had known that first holiday season after the divorce started. As I present these tidbits, think about your life and how you truly feel. Hopefully it can help you though these days that the seconds feel like hours.
Are you really missing your Ex or the vision of that dream holiday? In some ways, the anxiety could be lowered since your ex is not in the house. I know those days before he left and walking on eggshells were torture to say the least. Does it hurt that no one’s there to amaze you with an automobile like in the television commercials? I never got a car, and I have not met anyone that did! Identify exactly what you really are missing then remove the thought regarding the ones that you truly aren’t. Set a little time aside when you can be alone and mourn the things you miss. If you need to reach out to family and friends for support, many times all you need to do is ask. The people in your life may also be struggling with how to help you and are afraid to bring up anything to do with your EX. Watch a sad movie or listen to songs that can help you process your feelings. Take time and allow a few good healing tears to wash the toxins out of your body.
Get up, exercise then fix yourself up and go out with friends! Go for a walk, shower, brush your teeth, and put on something that makes you feel good. Females put on makeup and do your hair! Ok you can skip the mascara for a while! If someone calls and asks you to go somewhere, for goodness sakes GO! Remember they asked you to come and know what is going on in your life, go out even if it just for a short time. Let your friends know that you might need to leave early. Ask them to understand your feelings during this transition. Don’t accept invitations that will make you feel bad like being the only single person at the party.
Look realistically at what your children are missing not what you “believe” they are missing. If this is the first year without their parents together, your kids are going feel something is missing, and they will be unhappy. No matter how old they are or what you purchase them. Nothing will fill the void and they will also have to process this holiday. This year, the top gift, should be extra love and support.
Stay away from the commercialism of the holidays as much as possible. It’s impossible to stay away from it completely, but do your best to avoid seeing the message “miracles happen at the holidays.”
Everybody that had been divorced would tell me the first year was difficult, but it will get easier. I was sure this was just something people say to help you get through the holidays, but they really were correct. Invest some time thinking about exactly what you desire your new and improved family to be. Now start looking for things you can do to make that happen. Start doing some of those things now, the first few ideas may not work but just keep trying.
If you loved the holidays before your divorce, you’ll like them once again. Simply not the one this year and that is OK. The fact is your family has changed and so will your family traditions.
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Originally posted 2013-11-04 11:44:47. Republished by Blog Post Promoter